Obstacles

Ever since the time I started this blog I have been contemplating conversion to Judaism, sometimes more serious than other times but in general the thought has remained with me for the last 2 years or more. The main argument against it used to be that I believed Jesus to be the awaited Messiah. So I wouldnt in good conscience be able to take the step that involved public denial of his position. Ever since that belief has been waning however it doesnt pose such an obstacle anymore. Interestingly, while I used to think that there was little else that would be an obstacle I now find other obstacles that before I did not really consider. The major obstacle at the moment is that my family would certainly be deeply hurt if I were to deny Jesus as the Messiah and undertake conversion to Judaism. This obstacle is in itself large enough but besides that there are a few other things that I find difficult:

-Keeping kosher: its not that Im unwilling to commit myself to such a lifestyle (which in some ways I already do) but the fact that it limits having meals with friends at their place or even at restaurants. This is something very basic and something I cherish. Whats more, some of my family members would be deeply offended if I would refuse eating from their plates.

-Career: keeping Shabbat is something that is not taken for granted by many people and I think especially in the beginning of starting a job it might limit your possibilities if you have to leave early on fridays every week and are not able to work in the weekend. It depends of course on the type of job but still it is a limiting factor. In Israel or the US this might be less of a problem but in Europe there is really noone who takes this into account.

Curiously, all of these factors would have to be set aside when it comes to Christianity, Jesus, reportedly said:

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.”

Strong as these words are they also offer the person comfort in that he knows he is making the right decision. In the case of Islam it is probably the same way, theres no exception, everyone needs to convert to Islam. The case of Judaism however presents the interesting case that non-Jews dont need to become Jews but are acceptable to God in their non-Jewish state (given their observance of the 7 laws of Noah).

So conversion isnt a matter of life or death, its simply a choice to take on the yoke of a people set apart for a particular purpose. Its not like your reward (or punishment) depends on the decision. This then makes these obstacles of a different nature, you can no longer argue that you are forced into this position because of your new beliefs, indeed the only one who is forcing you is yourself…

At the same time it seems these obstacles should be part of the deal, for if it doesnt cost you anything, how valuable can it be?

About-page

For the third time (if not me) since I started this blog I have updated my about-page. I wasnt sure whether it would be right to update as in a couple of months I would probably need to update it again, but have deliberately kept it a bit general so it would last longer Do give it a read and feel free to comment or ask questions.

Blessing for the House

The blessing for the home I bought in Israel.

Unfortunately I cannot read the artists name but he/she is quite famous so if you know his/her name please let me know.

A Way Back?

When starting out as a committed Christian I was full with passion for spreading the message about Jesus. I believed all people needed to hear this and was fully convinced it would change their lives. Overtime that passion eroded and I became more excited about other things in my walk of faith. Judaism, though first to understand Jesus, became more and more interesting to me and after some time the strong passion I used to have for Jesus, was directed to Judaism, its laws, traditions and ways of life.

I kept this mainly to myself in order not to confuse anyone and so there are very few people that know this about me.

But I feel I have come to a point where I find it hard to describe why I am a Christian and I do call myself a Christian to people around me. I never thought I would come to this point and in some sense lament it.

Im trying to think whether I have just been deceiving myself and have purposefully reasoned away my belief in and commitment to Jesus but dont think I have.. and even if I have, the problem I now face is that I do not know how to get back.

Leaving it all behind me and converting to Judaism is sometimes a thought that crosses my head but then I love my family too much to do such a thing, plus the social cost I find too high to bear.

Also its not a clear-cut choice because I dont really believe Judaism is much ‘true-er’ than Christianity but just has more elements I find convincing. Its thus not really a choice for truth over falsehood.

I actually believe both are valid ways to approach God, and find Christianity a good place for non-Jews.

But for me it seems I have outgrown it.

I know this sounds bold for a 23 year old but well, thats how it feels.

Also realizing that I probably have to go back to Church in order to be part of some type of community makes me less excited about it.

I do think that somehow I will find my way and that this is just a part of my spiritual quest but I sometimes feel quite fed up with it and long for simplicity.

Silence on my Blog

Some of you may have noticed my general absence on my blog the last week, or perhaps you didnt and now you realize:)

In any case, I have started an internship in Istanbul and am very busy during the day and have little time at night to write for my blog.

I used to feel certain people could step up their frequency of blogging but now realize if you are working, let alone are raising a family, it must be hard to blog!

When Im studying I have time to read etc and consequently think and reflect on things but now that Im working its harder, though it could also be because I have to get used to working everyday.

So Ill try every now and then to blog but guess it will be a bit of a quiet summer overhere, which may actually be a good thing:)

For now greetings from Istanbul!

My Desk in the Morning

Overtime I have accustomed myself to study in the mornings as during the day Im usually busy with many other things. I think I started with just reading the Bible in the morning, after that Rashi on the Torah portion and as you can see it has expanded quite a bit.

So now I have three commentaries I study for the weekly Torah portion; Rashi, a Turkish commentary (Mose Farsi) and since recently Nechama Leibowitz. In addition to the portion I also work my way through Biblical Hebrew by Kittel et al., which I have almost finished. At the end of every lesson theres an assignment where you have to translate a passage from the Hebrew Bible and so I have Rashi on Nach (Prophets and Writings) (I wrote Tanakh but its actually minus Torah). Besides that I use the KJV for looking up whether my translation matches, I dont have a particular reason for using the KJV other than that the other English Bibles are in use by my parents. I actually noticed my translation more often matches with Artscroll’s than the KJV. And then there is of course the Hebrew dictionary, which I use quite a lot.

Other than that as you can see I have my portion on Church doctrines; its so dense that I decided it would be better to read everyday a page or two as otherwise I wouldnt be able recall anything afterwards. Below that is The Ways of the Righteous which is a mussar (ethics) book on character improvement. Its really quite nice.

On the right of that is a pocket version of the Mishnah (Zeraim and Moed), I recently started to read one chapter a day, its mainly for practicing my Hebrew and as Im kind of familiar with the Chumash I have a sort of auto-complete function which I dont have yet when reading the Mishnah making it more a challenge.

Lastly is a book by Geza Vermes I am reading at the moment.

So thats all for my morning:)

Oh yes and for the careful looker the picture frame contains my lovely girlfriend:)

Greetings from …

As some of you may have realized I didnt blog for some time and send you my greetings from:

-Paris-

Things Learned While Teaching Today

At my university I am a Teaching-Assistant for Accounting and today was the start of a new class.

With new classes I have found that it is quite important to establish from day one how things are going and how you will relate to them and how you expect them to relate to yourself; in other words, ‘whose the boss’

This can be done in various ways and I in general try to be a friendly though making it very clear that the authority in the class belongs to me. As such I dont shy away from conflicts if needs be though try to communicate in a way that makes them realize that its only in their  best interest to pay attention and that my main intention is to help them learn something and pass the course.

My first class today was very silent (probably shocked by the amount of work that they need to do ) and so there was no need to establish authority as they naturally accepted it. But the second class was a bit different.

It wasnt chaos but there were several people who were constantly chatting with each other and a few that came in late (more than 15 minutes). One of those that came late even had the guts to say the reason he was late was because he was taking a shower (it was 15.25 by that time!).

After some remarks it didnt really stop and I noticed that I started to use more specific remarks and in a quasi-funny way poked fun with the ones that were talking. Whether this was intentional or because I just felt I had to stand up to them I dont really know but while thinking about it later I realized that it wasnt right.

In a subtle but sharp way I had embarassed some students in front of their peers and now that Im thinking about it, I think I did it mainly because of my own insecurity. Which is understandable (yes Im good at defending myself) as its a class of almost 40 students that are like 2 years younger than me and some even closer to my age. There are even some students I followed classes with myself!

So in some way, especially the first day, I feel I have to show them that Im in control and cannot give them the idea that they can fool around with me. Which worked but not in a desirable way. As I think my authority should not be based on students being afraid to be embarassed in public but rather in that I have something to teach them.

There is a teaching in The Ways of the Righteous that bears on this:

“How should one reprove his friend? In the beginning, in private and gently; but if in the beginning he rebukes him in public and humiliates him, he sins thereby (Arachin 16b)“

Updated my ‘About’ page

My ‘About‘ page was due for revision and so I made some changes to it.

Be sure to check it out and let me know what you think of it

Anything you find unclear or missing?

2010: Aims, Targets, etc.

The year 2009 has come to an end and I must say it was a very interesting, uplifting, troubling, joyful year:) quite a combination I would say.

For me personally it was a year in which I really experienced Gods grace and compassion. Its amazing how God continually blesses even though oftentimes theres hardly any merit on my account.

2010 promises to be an exciting year too and with the help of God I aim for the following goals:

-Finish my Masters in Financial Economics by summer

-Find an internship that leads to a job; a job in which I will be able not only to utilize what I learned at university but also enables me to engage in meaningful producitivty that is constructive for society as a whole.

-Get more clarity in spiritual/religious matters, hopefully even concluding thoughts that will provide the way to a well-balanced and sustainable lifestyle that reflects my beliefs & opinions (in short: out of no-mans land!:P)

-Finish up my current Biblical Hebrew textbook and move on to Intermediate Hebrew

-Develop a better understanding of Church Fathers and specifically the formation of the doctrine of the Incarnation

-Blog more frequently

Where are you from?!

(Click on picture to enlarge)

The map above shows the origins of visitors on my blog. As you can see its quite a few places, though I am told that this is not necessarily only people that really search and read my blogs but sometimes include computer bots(?) as well. At any rate, I think its a nice overview but am very interested in who these people are!

Its obvious that most are from the US but South Africa is also quite well represented:) A quick look at the top 10 shows that most are from countries where English is the main language or at least the second language. Interestingly, India is on the list as well, and while less surprisingly Israel as well.

So who are you? And how did you come to my blog? I know in the comments I receive a bit about the people that visit my blog but those are only a few, perhaps 20-30 while the hits are much more than those can generate together:)

If you have time a short comment of who you are and how you got to my blog would be great and if you have time I’d like to hear your opinion and perhaps suggestions for future posts as well:)

Holidays:)

I wish everybody nice summer holidays, and for those that are going to travel a safe journey.

I am done, thank God, with my bachelors in Economics and am getting ready to fly out tomorrow for a long holiday in Turkey

Blessings!

Daniel

Value-adding?

As some of you may have noticed I havent blogged for a couple of weeks, the main reason was that I felt a time-out would be good for me, as I was feeling like an overheated machine:P  Not that I have very large output but it was more the input from all kinds of sites on the internet that led to this, and through blogging I tend to look around alot on the web, thus my choice to stop for some time with reading included blogging.

Ive been thinking a bit about the purpose of my blogging and whether its a wise course to continue. Although I have a disclaimer on my ‘about’ page saying that this is all very unfinished and ‘in the process’, I feel like with my writings Im not very constructive, but rather am causing or contributing confusion.

I do think in some areas theres need for critical re-assessment but when these are solely focused on concepts and not so much on character improvements and drawing closer to God then what am I acomplishing? Of course theres also the risk of seeing yourself as a ministry, which I am not, so in that sense, I could write and let people themselves decide if they are willing to expose theirselves to my writings. Or maybe I should just put up a warning sign on my page saying: confusion, uncertainty:)

And I think largely this is due to the fact that Im trying to go beyond the prefixed categories, or boundaries if you will. I have been reading James Dunn’s Partings of the Ways over the last two weeks and I realized more and more that Christianity and Judaism have largely in response to each other cut very clear boundaries and although it may have taken some time for this to go into effect, these boundaries are here and everybody knows them.

The moment you set up your tent somewhere in the middle you inevitably end up being scorned by both parties, as both parties ask for a choice to be made. Which makes me question if this is a viable way of life… and consequently whether I should maintain this blog.

Time-out

Im taking a time-out from blogging. During my absence I will not be answering comments nevertheless you are still welcome to post any.

Blessings,

Daniel

Studying Theology? A dilemma

So heres the problem, Im currently studying Financial Economics and am almost finished my Bachelor’s degree, naturally I would continue with Master’s degree which will only add one year to my studies but after having studied for 3 years Economics, Im thinking of studying Theology at the VU University in Amsterdam… I mean most of my leisure reading is books on theology/religion and when compared to Economics its very clear where my passion lies. Several people have asked me “so why dont u study theology?”, but frankly, theres no money in that:) And that at the end of the day, is quite important, especially if you plan to have a family in the future.

So why not both, and this is sort of what Ive been thinking of as well, but time is a bit of the issue, as well as my environment. With a Bachelor degree I can get a Bachelors degree in Theology in 2 years, which is not alot but that is still two years, and as I plan not to work in that field, my future Economics boss will ask me what Ive been up to the last two years after graduating, and to answer Ive been studying Theology is not a very apt answer to a tough financial:) Also if I study Theology what will my environment think? The people in church will think Im on my way to losing my religion, and the people outside of church will think Im a religious fanatic:)

So I dont know yet, maybe I can do both at the same time, Master’s degree in Economics and a Bachelor’s degree in Theology, but then I would be faced with the problem that these are given in different cities:S

Well luckily I still have time to think about it, but maybe some of you have an idea?